My pastor once said, “Your purpose is not something you decide, it is something you discover.” There was a plan for your life before you were created. If your purpose in life existed before you did, you cannot decide it, you can only discover it. Discovery comes by the revelation of God.  In this time of getting to know God better I really encourage you to seek him about your purpose. Ask him to reveal your purpose to you. Luke 8:17 says, “There is nothing hidden that won’t be revealed.” God already knows what he has set you apart for, it is time for you to know as well.

Discovering my purpose gave me such freedom. When you don’t know your purpose it is easy to be confused about where God is leading you in your life. Lack of knowledge regarding your purpose is often equal to having no direction. When we have no direction or guidance in life we will make decisions that are not in our best interests. To be Set Apart for God’s use you need to know what he is using you for. All the details may not be abundantly clear at the beginning, but God will give you just enough information to follow him. We cannot be intentional about following God if we can’t see the direction he is leading in; that is why revelation of your purpose is imperative to your Christian walk.

Oftentimes your purpose is linked to your passion. It’s that thing that you have been doing in some way since you were little. For example, my mentor states that when she was little she would always play house with her siblings. She would spend so much time setting up her imaginary house that by the time she was finished decorating it nobody wanted to play anymore. Well when she grew up she became an interior designer. Let me be clear that God has called her to do many different things in her life so it is not limited to decorating, but this is an example.

Another clue to discovering your purpose is to look and see where God uses you and how he uses you. Sometimes we stumble into our purpose accidentally. We do things that we never knew we had an interest in and it becomes clear the moment we start doing it that it is what we were supposed to be doing all along. No matter how you discover your purpose the most important part is that you know.  When you feel that God has revealed your purpose to you ask him for confirmation. James 1:5 states, “If any of you lack wisdom let him ask God, who gives to all liberally and without finding fault.” God lives to answer your prayers so if you are unsure he will confirm as many times as necessary for you to understand.

When you discover what your purpose is and what it isn’t you don’t waste time with things or people that don’t further it. God created you with a great purpose in mind and set you apart from everyone else specifically for that. No one can do exactly what God created you for.  Look for the purpose in relationships (all types), careers, and life. Don’t be afraid to Ask God why he put you in a particular place or situation. Always know why you’re doing what you’re doing. God doesn’t do things for no reason and you shouldn’t either. 

A friend asked me the other day, “Do you think you can casually date? Can you just date someone to keep you company until the right one comes along?” You absolutely can. You can do a lot of things. The better question is why would you? If you really believe, like I do, that God has a husband that is specifically designed and assigned to you, then why would you want to waste your time developing a human bookmark? As you explore God’s perfect purpose and plan for your life, any man other than your husband should not be an extended part of it. Ultimately, I want God’s will for my life and I do not want to risk derailing my future for anyone. I don’t want to get wrapped up or attached to anyone that I am not assigned to by God. I don’t have the time, energy or effort to deliberately or non-purposefully give to another man that is not my husband.

As women, we are emotionally driven creatures. Typically we can’t talk to or casually date men and not develop feelings. We begin to like men and eventually were in love and ready to commit to a relationship that was only intended to pass the time while waiting on the right one. Before you know it you’re stuck in a relationship with a person God never intended for you to be with; You’re dating a guy who doesn’t respect and value you. So by the time you get out of that relationship your self-esteem is greatly diminished. As a result, you then put up walls preventing the right man from really loving you. Then you want to guard your heart. You have trust issues that you have now left your husband to deal with. All because you dated someone “in the meantime.” But at what cost? Yes, it’s true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger; but, it also leaves scars. Now you’re taking extra baggage into your marriage and expecting your husband to help you carry it.

In the meantime, casual dating turns into longtime dating. You are wasting all this time that God has given you to prepare for your husband by being in a relationship with someone that is probably not helping you get any closer to that goal. In fact, dating random people may lengthen the process of you being joined to your husband because there has been very little attention given to genuine preparation. Now God has to undo whatever damage you have done in your relationship and realign your perspective with his.  In Proverbs 4:23 the Bible states, keep your hearts with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.” The time to guard your heart is before you meet your husband, not after you have been ruined by all the men you dated previously. If you have already been through some heartache know that God is a mender of broken hearts and you can trust him to repair the damage.

Recreational dating without purpose is so much more harmful than we know. 1) It may interrupt Gods plan for your life, if it is not in his will. 2) It may damage you in the process. 3) It takes you off the market so when the right one comes along you’re not available to date him. Don’t date a random guy just to keep you company. You may end up missing your blessing. No man that you are casually dating now (if he is not sent from God) is worth trading the husband that God designed and assigned for you. When God’s best for your life arrives, you will be glad you didn’t bother with anyone else!

Do you know what it is to be amongst a crowd of people and feel lonely? Have you ever gone to an event with people you know and still felt alone? I remember experiencing this feeling firsthand in my Christian walk. It’s a fact, that when a person begins to grow in God, he or she grows apart from people and situations that are not like Him. For me, as I grew in my faith, I began to notice that there were certain people I no longer enjoyed spending time with and activities I didn’t take pleasure in doing anymore.  Still, while I was happy with the growth I was experiencing in my life, I came to understand that “elevation comes with separation.”  Suddenly, I understood what older Christians meant when they explained how their circle of friends decreased as their walk with God increased. It’s because God often creates an atmosphere for growth by setting His elect apart from the crowd.

Nonetheless, as my circle of friends grew smaller I began to experience specific bouts of loneliness. Initially, this was difficult. However, I soon realized that in being set apart there are sometimes when you will have to walk alone. Everyone can’t or won’t understand the things that God is doing in your life. They’ll unknowingly speak against what God is doing and indirectly cause you to doubt it. This is why God sometimes just wants you all by yourself. When you are going through a period of preparation and pruning, you don’t need interference from the world. For example, in Matthew 16:21-23 NIV, Jesus explained to his disciples that he would be killed and subsequently be raised from the dead. But Peter, loving Jesus the way he did, couldn’t fathom a life separated from him. So he tried to discourage Jesus from going to the cross, even though it was what God called him to do.

While Peter’s actions were noble, however, Jesus used this moment to teach him (and us as believers) that any mindset or action that does not align with the Lord’s will indirectly encourages disobedience to God. Jesus said to Peter “You do not have in mind the concerns of God but merely the concerns of man.” In terms of the big picture, Jesus knew the importance of tuning out others and both listening for and pressing into what God (and only God) was saying. It is important to understand that sometimes Isolation from the world creates intimacy with God. Jesus was clear on what God was calling him to do because he spent consistent quiet time with God. Jesus’ commitment to commune with God preserved him from the high and low despairs of loneliness. This should be our experience as well; not a walk of perfection, but one wherein we receive the grace to live as God has called us to do.

Will you experience loneliness? Yes, but it is only a passing feeling. When put into proper perspective, you will see that it is not a situation where you no longer have friends. Rather, it’s a season where God is simply moving others out of the way so that He can make room for Himself. Don’t fight isolation. Be willing to be set apart for a time. There will come a day where you will have many friends. Yet, the opportunity to spend time with God must be seized when it is sent. Isaiah 55:6 declares, “Seek God while he may be found, call on Him while He is near.” Let God be your best friend. Share with Him all the things that you would be excited to tell someone else. I assure you that in this time God is perfecting you for His purpose so that you can be set apart for the plans He has for you. Remember, when you endure loneliness because no one else is around, you are in good company; many Believers have been called to do the same. Walking alone is not the same as loneliness. Know the difference.