Opportunities are often missed because of lack of preparation. Often times when it looks to you like nothing is happening in your life, is actually when everything is happening. It’s behind the scenes where God is changing you and shaping you slowly. If you have made the decision to honor God with your body by remaining celibate until marriage, you’re probably thinking “what now?” Now is the time to prepare. I know waiting seems so hard to do when marriage seems so far off. You may be thinking I don’t even have any prospects…it will be a while. Don’t be dismayed. If you allow God to lead you in this process, it will go by faster than you think. Whether you realize it or not, in the “waiting-phase,” you cannot afford to be simply sitting around wishing you had a man. You have plenty to do. My mentor always tells me, “The time to be ready is not the time to get ready!” Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “Therefore be careful how you walk not as unwise men but as wise men, making the most of your time because the days are evil.” Don’t miss out on your opportunity for preparation. Pray and ask God to remove anything and anyone that is not like Him. If you want God to provide you with a king, you must be willing to be a queen as well. God doesn’t give His good-godly men to women who aren’t prepared to love them correctly.  So many of us spend too much time worrying about whether or not we will ever get married. When what we really need to be concerned with is how we will manage to maintain a healthy life-long marriage (when that day comes) if we don’t have a right relationship with God.

Ladies, before we can devote any of our time to perfectly loving a man, we must first be committed to perfectly loving God! Luke 10:27 NIV declares, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” Are you doing this? Do your daily actions show that you love God in this way? Often, as single women, we’re so concerned about dating a man, that we’ve never tried dating God. Think about your spiritual walk. Do you set aside daily quiet-time with God? Is the time that you spend with Him quality-focused; getting acquainted with Him through His Word or telling Him about your day? Or, are you only concerned with what you want to do? How you want to spend your time? Remember, God is the most perfect love you can ever have. He will never lie to you, betray you, or be inconsiderate to your feelings. But, if you don’t take the time to genuinely love Him well, how do you propose to love another?

God loves marriage. It was His idea. Still, we cannot ask God to give us something we are not willing to prepare for. If you met the man you are praying for today, besides your beauty or charm, would he have sufficient cause to marry you? If the answer to this question makes you pause, then you have some work to do. God is going to do his part.  But you also have to do yours! What do you need to change about yourself so that you can be the spouse you are asking for; fully exhibiting everything you want God to give you in a mate? Is it your thought-life? Is it your appearance? Is it the way you speak to people? In terms of your marital-preparedness, are you a suitable helpmate?  Are you organized? Are you domesticated and business-minded? Can you establish and maintain a household? Instead of hoping for the right man to come along quickly and sweep you out of your singleness, pray and ask God to show you what you need to work on while you wait so you can be ready whenever he comes.

There is a saying, “The standards we set for our lives are the ones that will be met; if we aim low we cannot expect to get much.” This idea is especially true in the area of relationships. As single Christian women striving to be set apart for God’s use and divine purpose, if we settle for a man who is not wholly devoted to God then we can rest assured that the level of life we aspire for in God will be challenged. The quality of the relationship may eventually become severely diminished because it will most likely be rooted in the flesh, not the Spirit and follow standards of the world; not of God. A perfect example of this is BET’s drama series, “Being Mary Jane” starring Gabrielle Union. Generally speaking, I think a lot of single women feel as though they relate to, or see some part of their selves in Mary Jane. Mary Jane is an independent, aspiring woman seeking love. We see Mary Jane manage a demanding career, struggle with familial relationships, and pursue love-interests. Unfortunately, what we don’t see a lot of is Mary Jane’s relationship with God. Instead, to her personal detriment, she floats in and out of sexual relationships with men that are not her husband-usually because they are someone else’s. Ladies, this is not how God intended for us to meet, date or get married!

The best way to get all that we are looking for and all God has promised us is to do it His way. What we don’t want is to have the story of our life read like the script of “Being Mary Jane” a woman who has it all professionally, but is in personal poverty. She lacks someone who will love her unconditionally and put her needs first; someone who knows her intimately and not just someone who wants to be intimate. As “set-apart” women, we need a relationship first and foremost with God. We need to live a life opposite of Mary Jane. One where we guard our hearts and our beds. We need to seek God first and let Him prepare our hearts and minds for the mate He chooses. Then, when He brings him we will be ready to receive him.  Not only can we be sure that it will be right, but we will be richly rewarded and spared unnecessary heartache along the way. Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Simply put, “righteousness” is the right way of doing things-God’s way! God’s plan for your life is designed specifically for you. He knows the end from the beginning. You do not have to question His intentions for your life because He lays them out very clearly for you in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” God loves you more intimately than the best man ever will.

Many women, including God’s daughters, make the same common mistake. Somewhere along the way we began to believe that we are not complete without a man; that we must resort to finding love by any means necessary. So we, like Mary Jane, sleep with men who are married and put up with men who are not ready to commit. We need to remind ourselves that the only person we can’t live without is God! Everything and everyone else is secondary; and, the sooner we realize this, the sooner we will learn to find ourselves in God and let Him complete us. Then, we won’t settle for men who are unfaithful or who don’t value us. If your life looks a lot like Mary Jane’s, consider surrendering your love ambitions to God. He can be trusted to give us His very best. Roman 8:32 says, “He who did not spare is own son but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him give us all things?”  God wants to give us everything He’s prepared for us. The question is, “Are we prepared to receive it?