Law school was arguably one of the most stressful times in my life, mostly because it took time for me to figure it out. Yes, it had its share of fun moments and new friendships that accompanied it, however, I spent most of my time somewhere studying.  My entire life I maintained above average grades.  In elementary school I did because my parents demanded it, but by the end of high school I did it because it had become my own personal standard. When I got to law school I realized that there was a completely different way of studying that I knew nothing about.

In high school and college I wrote a few essays, but mostly my tests were fill in the blank and multiple choice. If I had paid just a little attention I could usually figure out the answer. Well, fast forward to Law School, my midterm exams came and I tried to apply that same technique only to find that it didn’t work. My previous practice of skimming my notes the night (or a few nights) before the exam no longer served me well. I discovered later on that the key to successfully passing my tests in law school was consistent studying and life application of what I learned. In law school pretty much all of your exams will have a single question- usually a fact pattern and then a completely blank page for you to spot the issue, write the rule/law that applies and then analyze it. Back then it seemed like just a law school test, but now I realize that it is the model for life.

The Bible is a lot like those law school subjects. If you study it and apply it to your life, it will save you when the test comes. If all you have done is simply read the bible and never actually studied it, it won’t do you as much good when it is time to recall it. In order to be successful on a law school exam you had to know the law inside and out. The same is true here, you cannot pass your spiritual tests if you don’t know the word, meditate on it and hide it in your heart (Joshua 1:8 & Psalm 119:11). The only way to do that is to study it and there is a difference between studying and reading it. Think about it, you remember more of what you studied and less of what you just read.

At the end of high school before we could graduate we had to take a test called the Georgia High School Graduation test.  Often times in life tests precede promotion. How many of us are wanting God to take us to a new level but are not prepared to go there? In 2 Timothy 2:15 The Bible says, “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” If we can’t pass the test, then we can’t move on. We have to master our issues and not let them be master to us. When we know the word we will be better able to navigate the landmines of our life. Then we won’t just be living, we will be thriving.

I’ve written blogs on broken relationships and I have also discussed what Godly love looks like. However, it occurred to me that it might help if we had some guidelines by which to measure that. It is so much easier to know when you have found that God kind of love if you have the proper framework.

We have all heard love defined as it pertains to 1 Corinthians 13:4. This is typically the part we hear recited at weddings. However, oftentimes people get married and too late realize that either one or both spouses actions more closely resemble Galatians 5:19-20, the acts of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 encourages us to walk in the spirit so that we do not gratify the flesh. The acts of the flesh are sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. 

After just reading that passage of scripture I saw so many of those characteristics in myself and people I dated. When I compared my behavior to 1 Corinthians 13:4 I had completely missed the mark. That passage reads: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. How many of us can honestly say that we exhibit these qualities even half the time? I couldn’t and still can’t. 

So many people in relationships are “I” minded when you have to be “we” minded. That is what love is all about.  I remember having conversations with my then boyfriend and when he was explaining to me how he felt about a particular thing and instead of me listening to really hear him and think about how he felt, I’m thinking about how I felt about the situation and about how he has done this same thing so many times before. So of course I express that and it started an argument. The problem here is that I wasn’t loving him. Why? Because instead of listening to hear I was only concerned with my feelings (selfish ambition). Love is not self-seeking. It seeks to serve others and put their needs first. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love forgives. If I had responded in love perhaps we might have avoided an argument. The bible says if you sow to the flesh you will reap from the flesh. You cannot walk in both the spirit and the flesh simultaneously. Don’t expect your relationship to grow spiritually when you are still living in the flesh. In order to walk in the spirit in your relationships you must learn how to love. That is the very essence of who God is and that is the foundation of a spiritual relationship.

Here are some practical tips for applying what I call The Love Test:

Memorize both of these passages of scripture.  Your behavior will fall into 1 of 2 categories” Flesh or Spirit.  When issues arise see if your behavior/response to that issue is from the passage in Corinthians that mirrors the spirit, or from the passage in Galatians that reflects the flesh. If it is flesh see if you can find the corresponding appropriate action in the spirit. An example would be that maybe your significant other failed to consider your feelings before he/she made a decision. Instead of getting angry and lashing out, (flesh) pray for patience (spirit) and address the matter calmly and in love. I believe as we begin to apply this and walk in it we will learn how to love others the way Christ loves us. If you’re single practice on coworkers, friends and family because God calls us to love everyone.

I know so many single women who get down on Valentine’s Day. This year I tried to think about what God would want us to know as we go through yet another year of singleness. I think if he wrote us a letter it would sound something like this:

Dear Daughter,

As Valentine’s Day approaches know that I have not forgotten you. I know sometimes it may feel that way because all your friends are married, but remember not everyone is worthy of your love. The man I created for you is special. He will be nothing like you thought but everything you wanted because you cannot imagine the man that I made in my image just for you. It is easy to get wrapped up in age and biological clocks but be reminded that I am not limited by what I created. There is a perfect time and place that I have ordained for you to meet the one I set aside just for you. I am shifting attitudes, mindsets and lives to prepare for your arrival. What I’m doing in your life is bigger than what you could accomplish alone, so you can’t be with just anyone. I have created someone for you with your past, present and future in mind and when the time is right I will introduce you. Keep your eyes focused on me and you won’t miss him. Learn to be comfortable in my presence and allow me to develop you. The man that I am sending to you is so great that an ordinary woman won’t do.

I know you are looking for the one I have for you and I appreciate your help but I don’t need it. I don’t need you to go on 100 dates to try to find someone. I don’t need you to wait around on someone you know is not right to see if they will change and I certainly don’t need you to lower you standards. Ignore what the world has told you. I am the standard. The reason you are single is not because you’re too picky.  It is because I’m picky. I am the God of details. All the little things matter where you are concerned. I created you for purpose. I made you, your future husband, and your marriage to glorify me. So if you marry just anyone it not only affects you but all the lives that will be touched by the ministry of your marriage.

Before you were ever formed in your mother’s womb I knew you. I know your likes and dislikes. It makes my heart glad to see you happy. I know the nights that you have cried and I have bottled up your tears. It’s disappointing to continue to meet new people only to discover that they are not it.  I also know it is easy to hold on to something for fear that you won’t find anything you like better. . I know it’s hard to wait. I can tell you that there is not a person who has ever waited on me and was disappointed. Hold fast to your belief in me. Trust me, you will not be put to shame.

I have promised your future husband the same thing I have promised you. A mate that is better than anything he could think to ask me for. You are no ordinary woman. Allow me to bring to the surface what I put in you from the very beginning, a heart for me. Pursue me. Spend time in my word. Follow me and you will find him because the meeting place is where your heart for me meets his heart for me.

                                                                                                                                                      Love Always,

                                                                                                                                                                     God