Why do we stay in broken relationships? Is it our fear of being alone? Concerns about what other people will think when they see we are not the perfect couple? Do we feel like we will never find anybody else to love us? I was in a broken relationship and after I finally ended it I really had to think about why I stayed as long as I did. As I began to reflect I discovered that there were a lot of different reasons. Despite the constant arguing, the frustration, and the loneliness I was comfortable in my relationship. It was familiar and I had a routine. My dysfunction became normal to me. I also told myself I wouldn’t find anybody else that had what he had. Those were lies.  All of them.  When I really examined It, I stayed all that time because of a bunch of lies I told myself.  When I discovered the truth it set me free.

The truth is that God’s perfect plan has is not lacking. God is not a God that can provide for every other area of my life and fail me in my relationships. God has never given me anything that was broken that he didn’t give me the grace to deal with. If I had known God then the way I do now I would have known that Jesus came to make me whole and not leave me broken. God would not pick a relationship for me that kept me constantly stressed. He knows how to pick a relationship that is good for me in the present and the future.

God’s best is an earthly relationship that reflects his heavenly love for you. It is the kind of relationship where a man honors you not just in word but in his actions. It is a relationship of protection and provision. It is a relationship where respect is mutual. It is the kind of love that you can’t earn but is freely given.  When you do make a mistake it is the type of love that covers it and forgives. If your earthly relationship doesn’t reflect God’s love then you may need to reevaluate it. When I began to really know God, his love showed me that the love I thought I was holding on to- I never really had.

I have seen God protect me literally from car accidents that could have seriously injured or killed me. I have seen him provide for me financially in the form of reduced bills and raises. When I make a mistake God gently corrects me, but never condemns me. I have seen him continue to love me even though I’m undeserving. I know what God’s love looks like and while no man will be perfect this will be his standard. He must strive to love me the way God does.  God’s love makes me whole and the only logical reason that I can find as to why I stayed in a broken relationship is because I  didn’t know what a whole and complete love felt like.

If we stay in broken relationships because we want to be loved, then perhaps we don’t know true love, because if we did we would know the one who gives it and we would never settle for anything less.

I was sitting in bible study about two weeks ago and a question came up that really caused me to think. The question was “How do we respond to what God has declared, promised or fulfilled?” As I sat there it really caused me to think and I began to examine myself. I am always asking God for instruction and wisdom, but when he gives it, do I respond accordingly? If I don’t, then why not? It occurred to me then that perhaps I don’t think what God told me to do is all that important, because if I did my choices would reflect that.

I wonder how many of us have ever underestimated Gods plan for us. How many of us have ever thought that what God told us to do is too insignificant to matter in the big picture? God has a plan for our life that is above and beyond anything that we could have ever imagined. However, for some reason we like to take Gods plan and limit it to what we can comprehend. We take it and make it so much smaller. Maybe it is an assignment that we have been given or perhaps it is our purpose in life and we think that it only affects us. What would have happened if Moses has taken God’s plan and limited it to what he imagined it to be.  What If Moses thought that his obedience to God’s plan wasn’t important because the plan for his life only affected him.  How many Israelites would have remained enslaved? Or how many would have died on shore of the red sea that God used Moses to bring them to?

Moses’ obedience to God’s instruction regarding the plan for his life was imperative. The Israelites depended on him. The same is true of you and the things that God has planned for your life. So often we pray to be used by God. We ask God to give us a word for our life and guidance to make the right decision but what do we do with that? Do we listen and then obey? Or do we think it’s ok if I don’t do exactly what God said. I have told myself that “It’s ok if I don’t write faithfully on the blog as long as I do it occasionally.” However, the reality is it’s not ok. Be faithful in whatever God has told you to do no matter how small. Be faithful in cooking for your family and cleaning your house. Be faithful over that money and be faithful to the business God told you to start even when you don't see the profit. You have no idea how many people are depending on your obedience. You don’t know how many lives will be touched by you fulfilling your purpose. If you knew you would never underestimate God's plan or neglect your assignment.

There is a fine line that we walk as Christians. It is the place of loving the sinner and hating the sin. It is the place of attempting to live holy but not being “holier than thou.” It is the place of being in the world but not of the world.  

Finding this balance is extremely difficult. You want to follow God and be an example for others but often times your righteous living ridicules them. On more than one occasion I have seen Christians be referred to as judgmental and hypocritical. I am sure in some areas we can be. However, as I graduated to another level of maturity I realized that whenever you attempt to live differently than others you will face ridicule and that may be in the form of being labeled "judgmental." Don’t allow people to make you feel bad for trying to live rightly or addressing something that is wrong. Judgment is a good thing. In order to act accordingly in life situations you must have good judgment. Discernment in its simplest form is the ability to determine what is the best course of action in a given situation. Having good judgment has saved me on more than one occasion. Being a good judge of character has also been helpful to me. However, you must be careful that you are judging the facts of the situation and not the person.

When you attempt to do what is right just the way you live will convict people. Typically, when you speak out about something that is wrong in their life that is often the time when they tell you that you are judgmental. I have discovered that sometimes it is just the Holy Spirit working in them. He gently convicts us when we are wrong to prompt repentance and change. In those moments it is important that you not shrink back. Tell them the truth gently.

Things to keep in mind:

Whenever you get any criticism, don’t ignore it. Go to God and ask him to reveal your heart to you regarding that area of your life. Don’t lose your fish after your bait. God called every Christian to be a fisher of men. You exist to bring glory to God and the unsaved to Christ. That should always be your first priority. (Matthew 4:19)

Stand for what is right. Don’t back down. If something is wrong and you see it happening, speak up. (1 Corinthians 16:13)

Speak the truth in Love.  Love should be the reason we do everything. Correction comes because we love a person and want to see them do better. (Ephesians 4:15)

Pray for the opportunity to address the situation. Being timely is extremely important. It can make all the difference in whether or not what is said is being received. (Ecclesiastes 3:7)

Be prepared for persecution. You would be hard pressed to find a person that was not ridiculed for their faith at some point in life. Persecution will come. Expect it. (2 Timothy 3:12)

Don’t take it personally. They are rejecting Jesus, not you. It is the conviction they feel for doing wrong that has caused them to respond in a way that deflects their issue off of them and onto you. (John 15:18)

Finally, remember that we ourselves are not perfect. God extends new mercies and grace to us every day and we have to be willing to do the same for others.