The Love Test

I’ve written blogs on broken relationships and I have also discussed what Godly love looks like. However, it occurred to me that it might help if we had some guidelines by which to measure that. It is so much easier to know when you have found that God kind of love if you have the proper framework.

We have all heard love defined as it pertains to 1 Corinthians 13:4. This is typically the part we hear recited at weddings. However, oftentimes people get married and too late realize that either one or both spouses actions more closely resemble Galatians 5:19-20, the acts of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 encourages us to walk in the spirit so that we do not gratify the flesh. The acts of the flesh are sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. 

After just reading that passage of scripture I saw so many of those characteristics in myself and people I dated. When I compared my behavior to 1 Corinthians 13:4 I had completely missed the mark. That passage reads: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. How many of us can honestly say that we exhibit these qualities even half the time? I couldn’t and still can’t. 

So many people in relationships are “I” minded when you have to be “we” minded. That is what love is all about.  I remember having conversations with my then boyfriend and when he was explaining to me how he felt about a particular thing and instead of me listening to really hear him and think about how he felt, I’m thinking about how I felt about the situation and about how he has done this same thing so many times before. So of course I express that and it started an argument. The problem here is that I wasn’t loving him. Why? Because instead of listening to hear I was only concerned with my feelings (selfish ambition). Love is not self-seeking. It seeks to serve others and put their needs first. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love forgives. If I had responded in love perhaps we might have avoided an argument. The bible says if you sow to the flesh you will reap from the flesh. You cannot walk in both the spirit and the flesh simultaneously. Don’t expect your relationship to grow spiritually when you are still living in the flesh. In order to walk in the spirit in your relationships you must learn how to love. That is the very essence of who God is and that is the foundation of a spiritual relationship.

Here are some practical tips for applying what I call The Love Test:

Memorize both of these passages of scripture.  Your behavior will fall into 1 of 2 categories” Flesh or Spirit.  When issues arise see if your behavior/response to that issue is from the passage in Corinthians that mirrors the spirit, or from the passage in Galatians that reflects the flesh. If it is flesh see if you can find the corresponding appropriate action in the spirit. An example would be that maybe your significant other failed to consider your feelings before he/she made a decision. Instead of getting angry and lashing out, (flesh) pray for patience (spirit) and address the matter calmly and in love. I believe as we begin to apply this and walk in it we will learn how to love others the way Christ loves us. If you’re single practice on coworkers, friends and family because God calls us to love everyone.